I wrote earlier about a number of counterfeit words used in our political discourse. The use of the words "thoughts" and "feelings" are used to mean the same thing. Yet thoughts can be analyzed and modified easily by individuals through reading, activities like athletics, acquisition of new skills and self development in areas of interest. Feelings, on the other hand, are largely framed in the context of a person's real or perceived environment. We tend to value ourselves against the backdrop of a whole set of images that have been presented to us from what we are exposed to. The view we have of ourselves is a collage of image comparisons introduced through what we see. If I am short, for example, this conclusion is derived from a comparison of myself to other images of people who are taller than I am, but who seem to be more successful than I at things I value like physical attractiveness, athletic prowess, financial success, etc. Yet these images are synthetically created and have absolutely no basis in reality.
What does all of this mean?
There are two views of every person: the view of myself from inside and the view other people have of me from the outside. Which of the two views is the most reliable? The view from the inside is twisted and distorted and is in a constant state of flux. The view from the outside is relatively constant, but more importantly, can easily be modified by simply associating with different people. If, as a child, I lived with people who were negligent, uncaring and angry, my view of myself was diminished so that I did not have personal self worth. The future was dark and hopeless and I found myself totally unable to be enthusiastic about my life. Learning was next impossible and I found I was unable to cope with the problems of taking care of myself.
Enter now a person who enters my life who sees something of great worth in me. This person brushes aside my own perception of myself and imposes his view of the world on me as a place of wonder and opportunity. He enjoys the simple process of living in a way I never saw. I find myself excited about learning, and, most of all, I want to do it for the approval of this person. In the past these people were called mentors or fathers or mothers or teachers or friends.
We now live in a culture where mentors like this are very hard to find. The point is, however, we can choose to find these people and associate with them for our own personal success. The synthetic environment created from television, movies, facebook, and a host of other fantasy-generated images has left us with no one to live up to.
How about it, seekers? Do we as adults have the courage to be the ones our kids look up to or are we wallowing around in our own self pity?
All right, on this subject I am a rank novice. Some people, including myself, would say I'm "all over the map" about thoughts and feelings. I've struggled with depression all of my life, never understanding why. I guess I saw my Mother depressed, and as the only girl, I thought this was normal for females. My only other female counterparts were my cousins, who all had their own crosses to bear because of their own mothers' quirks and foibles. When I was small, I lived in a world where I felt invisible and then at times like I meant everything in the world to my parents. Confusing, yes, but normal to me. Not until I got "outside" that world did I meet other mentor types who, as my brother has eloquently said, "saw something great in me" did I begin to grow as a person, to bask in love and approval for my artistic abilities and singing abilities. This was at Sunday School, where my first teacher I ever remembered, Mrs. Pletcher, took special interest in me, and I don't know if she "knew something" or was just that nice, but she would gather me onto her lap and read to me and to the rest of the reading circle, and made me feel special, unlike I'd ever felt before. Then, I'd go home again, and it was business as usual. But, I had a shining memory inside my head that I could always go to as my "happy place" and abide there when things would get too bad. Growing up, I was a dark kid, with a bad attitude, and there was another "mentor" type who tried to corral me, Delbert Williams, and I shunned him, put him in his place, telling him if he wanted to live at church, that was up to him, but I wasn't going. That was back in the day when it wasn't unheard of to smack somebody else's kid or say something threatening toward then, and he said he should "slap the slop out of me". I guffawed at that. He didn't know who he was up against. As I grew, I realized I'd come out woefully short on life skills, and the world was no kind teacher, but teach me it did. As a result of many teachers and bosses, I think I turned out pretty well. I have a strong work ethic and great set of values. Sadly, before all of those qualities were cemented in me, I'd had my kids, and they saw those downfalls of mine, and discounted me as their "hero". I will say that once you've fallen from grace, it's hard, if not impossible, to ever get back into their good graces. So yes, I wallow in my self pity, because I have so much to give and nobody wants to hear it. If I could have only seen that coming but, alas, too late. However, I inexoraby continue to speak the truths and the values, to plant the seeds, as it were. I can only hope those seeds reach bedrock and begin to flourish.
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